Mercy Over Judgement – The Testimony Of Brittany Robertson

A story of mercy over judgement – The Testimony Of Brittany Robertson as told by herself.

When I was 12 years old, I fell in love for the first time, or at least I thought so. I soon found myself pressured to do things that I was not ready for. He said things like “this is what people in love do”

“If you love me you will” and” It will only hurt for a minute”.

That was not true it ended up being a hurt that followed me my whole life. I found myself laying in that bedroom time and time again afraid to move because that is what people in love do.

Young Mother Confused

Then one day at the age of 13 I found myself pregnant. He promised to be there, but who was I kidding he was only 15 years old.

After finding out that I was pregnant he began to only use me for what he thought I was good for “Sex”. He started cheating on me with other girls and abusing me from time to time but nothing to serious.

May 20 th , 2006 at the age of 14 my baby boy was born. At first things seemed ok but he had no interest in being tied down.

I soon found him on top of me choking the life out of me. The only thing that saved my life was the extra baby monitor I had placed in my parent’s room.

After that I did not see him again until my sons first birthday. That was the very last time we ever saw him even though he lives one county away.

But the trauma lasted much longer.

After a year I found myself in a relationship with someone new. Hoping that I could finally get over the past and move on with my life. But the thing is once you have a child people do not look at you the same.

I soon realized that my first relationship had broken me. I was terrified of intimacy and any time that I was in danger I did what I thought I needed to protect myself. Once that looked like me cracking four of his ribs with a baseball bat because I thought he would hurt me.

The PTSD was real.

The problem was he had abusive parents so shortly after we found ourselves beating one another half to death
regularly.

My new boyfriend smoked marijuana to try to get through his pain. It was not long before I found myself smoking too but I was also addicted to pain killers. I left my son with my parents.

I went out on my journey to be numb and to forget everything that ever happened to me. And for a while it worked. But every time I came down from that high my life was right there waiting for me.

I tried doing more and more to make it all just go away, but it never did. My boyfriend and I still fought, and he was in and out of trouble with the police. I wanted to change, and I wanted something that would help the pain go away, but nothing had worked.

True Redemption

My parents kept telling me about this man named Jesus who could fix all my problems, but I learned early on never to trust a man. I went to church but only to please them. Most days I was high when I got there and high when I left.

But one day as my boyfriend (now husband) walked out of the steps of the church the police were waiting for him to arrest him for drug trafficking.

That was my rock bottom.

I turned around and walked back up those church steps, but this time was different. When I ran down that hallway, I was high, devastated by what had just happened. I ran through the sanctuary doors and hit my knees on an alter of prayer.

When I rose from the alter that day, I was no longer high, and I felt a freedom and a peace in my life like I had never known.

This man named Jesus my parents told me about had set me free!

The next day we called to try to get him a lawyer only to find out that I was his co defendant in the case and I had pending trafficking charges as well.

I had just given my life to the Lord and I wanted to change more than I ever had before now here I was facing 15 years in prison along side my husband who was also facing 15 years.

I started having questions run through my mind. “Why was I not arrested when he was?” I obviously had a warrant also. “What do I do?” I just found God! I just found peace.

The only thing I could do was go back to the man I knew had all the answers, Jesus!

I prayed and I prayed. I called the lawyer back and said I want to get this behind me because I have started going to church to change my life so what do I need to do.

He said your going to have to go to the jail and turn yourself in. So, I went and got my whites on and went up to the jail. The jailer says I need to go to the sheriff’s office.

I knew that happiness I had finally found was about to disappear. I walked up to the window and told the lady my name and she said I will be right back.

When she came back, she said I do not have a warrant for you. Most people would have walked out. But I said well my lawyer said there is a warrant so check under my maiden’s name.

I said I am not going to have you all arrest me 30 minutes from now when I do not have all my whites on. My mom was shaking her head and said I have never seen someone try so hard to go to jail.

But I knew I needed to get this behind me so I could find my way back to the peace I had found in Jesus just days before. She came back once again and said I am sorry, but I do not have anything for you.

So, I walked back to my lawyer’s office and they called the warrant processing office. The lady told the lawyer that my warrant had not been processed yet. That they kept giving her new ones and my always got pushed to the bottom of the pile and she had not got to it yet. Jesus was watching out for me.

The lady said if your client promises to go to court on her court date, I will not process the warrant at all.

As we walked out of that lawyer’s office, I was in disbelief at what this man Jesus had done for me. My mom was right beside me shouting hallelujah in the street.

I went back church and I served the lord with all my heart despite everything I was facing. Trusting that the lord would move for me and maybe even my husband.

Six months later I found my self- sentenced to five years’ probation. My husband was sentenced to five years in jail but was released after 183 days on shock probation.

I began to tell him about God and everything that he had done and how happy I was. He agreed that we needed to change.

The Hard Road Ahead

At this time my husband had no plans to change. For the next five years he was in and out of jails and rehabs. At this point we had two children and he knew what God was capable of so why he could not change.

But the truth is he had not hit his rock bottom. Five years went by of abuse, drugs, and lies. Everyone told me that I was crazy for hanging on. That there was no hope. But I love him, and I knew Jesus could help him to if I could just get him there. One day we sat in my parent’s basement where we lived.

Fighting once again, and he told me that he hated me. That he would always choose drugs, he did not want to stop, and he would not stop until he was ready. He said I am packing a bag and I am leaving you.

I cried all through the night “God because ca you do not help him, help me please God. I love him and I am begging you to fix this.”

The next morning, he was on his way to work and he was pulled over. He was arrested on a warrant that he did not know he had. I did not understand. I prayed to God and said why is this happening, but God had a plan!

He went to jail and they said he would not be eligible for rehab or anything due to his past. He started out in Madison county and was transferred to Meade, Bullitt, and the Fulton.

Each time as the distance between us grew and the visits were less often, I thought God was leading us apart.

Yet I still felt something telling me to hold on.

God was taking him to his rock bottom. 18 months later he came home after almost losing everything and he was not quite ready for church, but he knew he wanted changed. On Father’s Day two years ago, he asked my dad what he wanted.

True Redemption Times Two

My husband said it can be anything because I was to repay you for caring for my family while I was locked up. My dads reply was come to church with me tonight and that is all the repayment I need.

That night changed our lives forever. My husband gave his life to the lord and over these past two years God has moved mountains for us. We no longer fight in a physical way; we love each other more than ever.

We both have our own cars. Were both off probation, sober and completely out of trouble. We have our own home, and three beautiful children. I will not lie to say our lives are perfect and we never have any struggles because we do.

But God in heaven is bigger than our struggles. He is where our help comes from. He has moved in every situation we have ever went through. He put our lives back together not only as individuals but as a family.

So, if you are reading this today and you think that you are helpless, hopeless, worthless. That no one loves you or that there is no way that you could ever come out of the situation that you are in know that there is a man names Jesus. That man named Jesus loves you.

He cares for you so much that he died on a cross and gave him life for you. He will save you and help you to change your life more than you ever thought possible.

He will not judge you for you past. In fact, he casts it out as far as the east is from the west. And All he wants in return is your heart.

Give him your heart and I promise I will be the best decision you will ever make. The journey will not always be easy, but it will be worthwhile. Jesus is the answer, no matter the question!

– Brittany Robertson