Identity Restored – Pastor David Heigl’s Testimony

This is a story about Identity Restored – Pastor David Heigl’s Testimony

In 2001 my dad passed away and then 10 months later my mom did as well.
My dad left for the first time when I was six. The following six years were quite turbulent my mom and dad separated 3 times until finally they decided that their marriage was over.

At six, I lacked the capacity to understand that their issues and lack of relationship with God were the reason for the demise of their marriage.

As a child I felt the deep roots of rejection, loss, and a feeling that somehow I just wasn’t worth them keeping our family together.

Later my dad remarried and became completely engulfed in his new family. My mom stayed single for a few years and then she too remarried.

When dad passed away I immediately flew to Las Vegas to help my step mom get ready to move in with her daughter. In those moments of grief, while going through his things, which included his family pictures, it was as if I was in a stranger’s home.

The memories that were on the wall were missing something – me.

I remember standing in his closet weeping and wondering why I wasn’t worth fighting for, why I was seemingly forgotten.

I returned home from that trip and all the cracks in my imperfect life began to expand. Cracks turned into canyons.

When mom died things got much worse. My mom and I were close.

I had moved her nearby so that I could care for her in her old age. I loved just sitting next to her talking and feeling that everything would be ok, but now she too was gone. The canyons became chasms and everything began to collapse.

My marriage suffered and as a pastor there seemed to be no-one to turn to, because as if all this weren’t enough, some leaders at the church (leaders who I thought were close friends) decided that they needed to leave.

They didn’t feel I was living up to their expectations. and instead of seeing my hurt and despair they only saw my limitations and imperfections.

When I needed them to be friends they became distant and accusatory. All of this only reinforced my long time feelings of inadequacy and rejection.

The months after my parents death were filled with grief, loss, depression and self destruction.

My life seemed to be headed in downward spiral at warp speed. I became distant and self centered. I began to look for any way of escape possible. There was absolutely no where to turn.

My “friends” had left and I was pretty much through with opening up my heart again to trust.

All I can say is that during this time the devil was winning and I was losing. Over the years he had convinced me that I was worthless and now that false identity seemed to be true.

THEN EVERYTHING CHANGED!

During a time of reflection and prayer the Lord downloaded a revelation of the simple message of identity to me. This message of identity was life changing and life saving.

He began to tell me that at 6 years old the devil had ascribed to me an identity of worthlessness and rejection and I had been clinging to it for years.

The enemy had planted the seed and now it had been growing for years like a cancer spreading throughout my entire body.

I didn’t realize it at that time but the enemy had been using this to shape my entire life and to infect all my relationships.

Today I have come to realize that even though I was broken, that was not my identity. I was not defined by my past, my sins, my mistakes or my performance.

I had an identity that was given to me from my creator even before I was formed in my mother’s womb.

As I began to embrace that created identity, EVERYTHING BEGAN TO CHANGE. Today I can honestly say that I know who I am and who I am not! As I study the Bible I see the message of identity everywhere throughout it’s pages.

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